vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
