Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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