yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
too bad you live with your parents still
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
