You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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