If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
