I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
