so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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