Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
