you guys were way drunker than both of me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
