Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
