so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
