I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
