would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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