Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize