the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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