I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have already put on my inside pants.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
