I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
