I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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