just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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