she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
