what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
barbara walters just said penis...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
