just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
