Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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