And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
