i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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