Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
