He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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