So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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