peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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