we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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