New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
