his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
