"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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