his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
