i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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