Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
40s are totally the cure
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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