It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
