she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
