he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
