Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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