Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
