Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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