Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
