READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
well you can't waste a boner
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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