Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
barbara walters just said penis...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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