I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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