threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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