She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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