All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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