spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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