Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
