I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
