Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
