found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
