I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
