I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
