"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
