no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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