yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
