What did we do last night that was yellow?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
