just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
