So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he was CRYING into my vagina
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
