Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This is my gift to your gina
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize