If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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