it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
