I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
