Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
