The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just blew my weed a kiss
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
