how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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