There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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