remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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