I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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