you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
