She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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